the girl with the crappy colon

this weekend i am leaving for my short-term mission trip to guatemala. the past few days have extremely difficult for me as i'm trying to prepare my mind and my heart for this experience. i have been on my knees in prayer asking God why He chose me to do this, why He called on me to go to guatemala. i have been telling Him through tears, "i'm not strong enough for this." physically, i will be able to do all of our projects. i'm not worried about that. emotionally, i don't think i have the strength. how will i handle seeing a child pick up food off the street and eat it because they are starving? what do i say when we deliver a bucket of food to a family and they tell us all about their hardships and their struggles? how do i process seeing men passed out on streets because they are drunk or have sniffed glue and are completely high, knowing that a lot of them have abandoned their families to lead their life this way? i'm hoping and praying that during these difficult times, God will be working in me and through me. i'm too weak to do this on my own.

my amazing brother sent this verse to me yesterday:

"But he [God] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I [Paul] will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

His power is made perfect in my weakness.

i know that God is testing me. He knows that during this time, I have to put all my trust into Him. this is something i constantly struggle with because i try to have control over my own life. there have been so many times when i have prayed for something, not liked the answer i got from God and decided to do my own thing (which never turns out well). there have been times where i have completely turned my back on Him and pushed Him out of my life. now i have to give my mind and my heart over to Him because i can't do this alone.

what really amazes me about God is that no matter how broken i am, or how many fears and failures i have, He has still chosen me to go and spread His love and His word around guatemala city. i hope that i'm able to show these people the kind of unconditional love that i feel from God.

we need to be lifted in prayer while we are gone. so if you'd like to pray for us (or if praying is not your thing, positive vibes will also work), these are a few things that we really need prayers for:

-Safety..during our flights to and from guatemala. while we are in guatemala city where americans are targeted as victims of violent crimes. we have been told that while we walk down the street, we will hear a lot of whistling because that is their way of alerting each other that "the white people are coming." pray that they see us as more than just white people.

-Pray that God is already working in the hearts of the people we will come in contact with while we are there and that they will be welcoming and accepting of us.

-Health...my health and the health of the others on my team. we will be staying in unsanitary conditions and will be given food that may or may not be safe to eat. the water will not be clean and is not safe for us to drink. pray that we get rest at night as our bodies and minds will be very tired.

-Our families..pray that they do not worry about us too much while we are gone.

-Team work..pray that we are able to communicate with each other, encourage each other and keep positive attitudes. pray that we are flexible if any undesired circumstances come our way.

-Pray that we remain humble with servant hearts and are able to share God's love with anyone we come into contact with.

while i'm gone, i'll be doing some old-fashion journaling with a pen and paper!! i look forward to sharing my experiences when i get home!